"Happiness is Being a Calvinist"

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I enjoy being a Calvinist, it means I have a corner on the truth; and I have figured out all the angles of the Gospel. Being a Calvinist means that if anyone disagrees with me then they disagree with the Gospel; and I can rest assured that these sectarians are clearly afield of the truth — probably not even really Christians. As a Calvinist I’m allowed to refer people to our standard theologians whenever the finer points of doctrine are questioned; and I can rest in certain confessions and catechisms as representative of the settled truth that they are. When I read the Scriptures, as a Calvinist, I don’t even have to do exegetical work anymore — it’s already been done — all I have to do is look up the voluminous amounts ofΒ the variegated works ofΒ “my” Church Fathers (starting in the 17th century in particular)Β to know what kind of interpretive decisions I should make when reading my Bible (it’s a breeze). I’m so glad I’m a Calvinist . . . I’m glad I’m not like those other people (you know Arminians, Evangelicals, et al) πŸ˜‰ .

8 thoughts on “"Happiness is Being a Calvinist"”

  1. 😯

    πŸ˜€

    That’s awful, but I couldn’t help laughing.

    Unfortunately, I’ve noticed some of the things you’ve mentioned and hesitate to identify too closely with Calvinism because I’m afraid of becoming like that.

  2. Yeah, just being a bit sarcastic. This could be repeated for just about any system of belief within Christendom.

  3. I laughed mainly because I can recognize in myself much of what you wrote. I’m pretty sure if I claimed to be Calvinist, I’d just end up trying to defend Calvinism.

    You’re right, though. It is just as easy to become prideful about being unaffiliated. It really is no more admirable to be haughtily dismissing all other people while sneering
    “Well, I am of Christ“

  4. I wonder if we would all remember that God Is Love, and we ought to love one another as He first loved us. That involves not thinking of oneself higher than he ought, putting others 1st, and telling the truth in love. It includes having the humility to know that no-one yet has got it perfect yet. and still there are a few (very few) areas that are sacrosanc: think of when Jesus pronounced “Woe”s upon the pharisees scribes and saducees. Think of the anathemas Paul claimed for those who proclaim a different gospel. So, I agree with your tongue-in-cheek thing.
    It seems once again we are to walk in our weakness in the Spirit, trying to ride that fence between party spirit and libertarianism.
    And know that our Lord’s theological “system” is not plug-and-play.

  6. Duane,

    I agree, there is no plug and play system available; we’re in a relationship after all.

    And humility, following a theology of the cross, is all important!

  7. πŸ™‚

    I would be for making a bumper sticker that says:

    “Happiness is Being a Christian”

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