I am a voracious reader, but I cannot simply read to just read. When I first started reading the Bible and theology in earnest it was because of my deep need for knowledge of God, and thus confidence in Him. This started to have the overflowing effect of pushing me to be a witness to the world and the Church that Jesus is Lord. Indeed, I was involved in 
evangelistic ministry, formally and informally (and still am in the latter) for many years. What pushed me to read was the questions and challenges I would receive in those sorts of evangelistic encounters. Often, I was challenged to the point that I would enter levels of existential crisis, and so I would read to assuage such crises. As a result of this I learned, and was refined. I came to know God in Christ in ways that were meaningful as a result of concrete experiences in my personal Christian existence.
Similarly, when I entered Bible College and Seminary, I was challenged by the community therein to push deeper and further into a knowledge of God in Christ. There was a constant push of theological ideas that challenged me to read, and gain understanding in ways that outwith such community I wouldn’t have been pushed. The point I am driving at though is that I need to have direction for my reading. I cannot simply sit in the middle of a bunch of book stacks, which is exactly what my side of the bedroom looks like, and read read read with no telos in mind. This is why I’ve come to write so much. The blog hasn’t been a place for ‘theological activism,’ but a place that helps provide a meaningful rationale for my reading. Some would say, get a PhD then. Write a book then. Do something meaningful that way. And maybe I will yet do that. But the blog hits multiple notes all at once for me. It provides a place for public witness; it gives me a space to drop significant ideas I come across through my readings; and it works logistically given my lame-life schedule (I work graveyards).
Currently, I am at a crossroads in a certain way though. I am starting to feel a bit burnt-out. I have probably fifteen books going right now, and I feel like I’m reading them simply to read them. I have no reason for reading them, per se. Part of that is my reading project of Barth’s Church Dogmatics, but even that is losing some luster (although I will finish). The problem, I think, is that I have no real meaningful reason for doing all the reading I do. I am at a point where the level I read at, theologically, only has a niche community that could potentially have interest in what I am learning; and I have somewhat alienated myself from that (academic) community for a variety of reasons (and that’s fine too).
I am not looking for advice, not really. I am simply doing what I do: outletting. But I think it does highlight an important point. There must be an ethic and telos to our theology reading, other than serving as an occasion to promote ourselves to others; that is, by saying: “oh yeah, I read two hundred books last year, look at me!” Reading needs meaning, it needs an audience. For me, as a Christian, it needs to have points of contact with Church people. Writing for a CV has zero appeal to me. A CV does me no good. What will last is my witness to others in the Church. A CV can be rationalized as career-necessary, and that career can be rationalized as meaningful for the Church. But in reality, and at bottom, I think that is mostly just a rationalization. If people write essays and books that only ten people (tops) will ever read, and typically only see as a means to promote their own careers by, then what does such writing and living have to do with actually edifying the communio sanctorum?
I will keep reading, but I have to slow down and write as I read; because “I write to learn.” That’s about the extent of why I read at this point; it is to write. And I write with hopes of bearing witness to more than ten academics who are mostly only interested in promoting themselves and their respective careers. I’ve been in the academic game long enough to know that it isn’t ultimately a meaningful enterprise, at least not for me. The game that motivates me is the long-eternal game, and thinking about the meaningfulness of being a participant in the Church catholic. If I can keep that frame in mind, my reading gains traction and meaning insofar that I can imagine that what I am learning might in fact make contact with people in the churches.
For me, as a avocational theologian, with much the same interest in reading, I find opportunities to teach. I do not know what calling God has for you, but I have been called to use my interests to help students wade through the theological and historical ruts. Take for example the book by Carl Holladay, A Critical Introduction to the New Testament, Interpreting the Message and Meaning of Jesus Christ. As a teacher of biblical studies for over 20 years, he provides, I think, a well reasoned approach to a challenging subject. The “ruts” in this area are “Legion.” But, knowing that the person of Jesus continues to shine through the text, and lives, of believers, he is able to not lose Jesus while covering the subject. He is knowledgeable and committed to support and ministry of teaching students who sense a calling into ministry.
My point is that, through faith in Christ, and an awareness of the misinformation and challenging approaches of much theological work, a calling to teach, in the church, in the public forums, on-line, or in an academic format (adjunct in a bible college, or small seminary, or overseas) is a meaning way to use your reading.
The influences on people today are manifold. They are confusing. They often challenge our basic understanding of humanity and the borders of faith. Helping people navigate faith and culture is so important.
Read books by Ray S Anderson, passed professor at Fuller Seminary to find a solid intersection between pastoral/teaching and solid biblical theology.
Paul
It is personally quite an encouragement for me to read this Bobby; we share much in common (including the fact that I spent 40 plus years as a resident of Tacoma, WA.) My own reasons for reading and writing correspond with those you’ve described for yourself in this posting. I read your posts faithfully, because they are thoughtful, well-informed, and bear a truthful theological witness to the God of Scripture and to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Your “take” typically has just enough edge of sharpness to challenge my thinking, so that I have to work to ensure that I’ve actually “got it.” I do hope you will continue to write here, because what you share of your own theological reading and thinking both challenges and encourages mine and serves the ethic of sharpening the “wit” or “perspective (“face” in Proverbs 27:17) of this brother and sustains a persisting endurance for the challenging work of reading the text of Scripture theologically in pursuit of a true knowledge of God and confidence in Him at the telos. Thank you, brother.
Good on you Bobby. Keep pressing into Jesus brother and don’t worry about giving face. Know that the Father shows no partiality (πρόσωπον ὁ θεὸς ἀνθρώπου οὐ λαμβάνει Gal 2:6) but that he has shown us his face in his Son. (Ro 2:11, 2Corin 4:6).
You have a prophetic call so by now i think you are used to people ignoring what you have to say. Never mind brother. Those who have ears to hear will hear. God is faithful. Keep praising the Lord. I’ve been blessed by your blog.
Just as we ‘write to learn,’ we also ‘read to learn.’ And it is in our learning— in that disciplined instruction by ‘imitation of the Master,’ who, ‘although he was Son, learned obedience through what he suffered’— that we may also desire to become as teachers, providing a truthful testimony of this witness of the Life-giving Truth, the Telos and goal and ‘upward vacation’ toward which we ‘press on.’ The craftsman’s work, while self-evident, is most often displayed in private nooks and crannies.
@Paul,
Thanks. Yeah, my post wasn’t really intended in identifying an absolute or even specific purpose for my life, per se. I was just venting about where I am, or maybe where I was in that moment. I have moments, and sometimes those converge at the same time I sit down to blog. I have been afforded many opportunities, by way of publishing books, editing peer journal, writing for peer journals, writing for Christianity Today, and many other things along the way. Not to mention all the feedback I have received back in my over 16 years of being a theoblogger from pastors who have told me that my blogging has helped theologically and spiritually etc. And much more. But my post wasn’t really about that, per se. Maybe I didn’t articulate the spirit I was going for in my post, but in nuce it simply has to do with being tired (and that’s loaded).
@Richard,
Thank you. That is encouraging, and it does help indeed to hear back that my writing has spurred you on. That keeps me motivated. And really that’s my conclusion these days: I am simply here (on this earth) to bear witness to Jesus Christ, and to do so in the most informed and faithful ways possible. That is always behind every blog post I write, even if I fail at times. So thank you for the good Word, and I’m happy to know that ‘my theological witness’ is edifying; that is always my hope, indeed.
Thanks for responding and sharing more. Being “tired” is tiring and not easy to go through. Again, thanks for the blogging you do. As I recall, the disciples got tired too….
Paul
@RichardSimpon,
Thank you. Amen. Yeah, I think you’re right. There is a level of the “prophetic” here, and I am used to being shunned, esp by the academy. They don’t know what to do with me LOL. And thank you. Your comment motivates me.
@Paul,
Amen. We can rest in the eschaton!