… Today as most of you know, I went in for my 5th post treatment CT scan to make sure that my desmoplastic small round cell tumor sarcoma cancer hadn’t come back; and praise the Lord, it hasn’t—and thank you all for participating in the intercessory work of Jesus on my behalf (Heb.

7:25). As my wife and I were sitting in the waiting room (after I had had my CT scan) to see my oncologist (Dr. Ryan at OHSU), it brought back all kinds of traumatic memories; ones that I wish I never had! The same reception staff was still hard at work ushering in new and veteran patients into the stalls where their cushy chairs with cocktails of chemo awaited them, as the rush of the I-5 hummed quickly by them just outside the double pane windows that separated the air of death from the “real world,” just outside. My mind was flooded with thoughts of my own plight not too long ago when my own hair was no more, and I too was whisked back to my own stall tailored just for me. I can remember looking at those cars on the I-5 wishing I was in one of them instead of in my lounge chair of portending death. These are the kinds of thoughts that hit me today. It was terrible to see the old man wheel himself out of the chemo barn with an amputated leg, and no hair to speak of; it was horrific to see a young lady with her young husband walking back to the ominous stalls overlooking the I-5, I knew what she was about to partake in, and it only reminded me of the nightmare I once knew as reality—the reality that I would soon be dead if the poison didn’t get to me first. My heart was breaking today, as I sat there and reflected on all of this; knowing that I was right back on the same precipice that led me through those doors in the first place—the day that I had found out that I had a softball size mass in my back lower abdomen—whose to say that today those same words might not ring true again, and turn the 7th floor at Knight Cancer Institute into my home away from home once again? I was literally shivering (shaking) today, as we waited our turn to hear from my doctor; my heart pounded in my chest, and my pulse beat with a rapidity that even the medical assistant couldn’t believe … my heart was gripped with fear today! But Jesus was there!

He reminded me that he came to sit in that chair of poison for me, and all those around me. He reminded me that he who knew no sin, became sin for us that we might become the righteousness of God in him; and that all of the human suffering that I was experiencing all around me today (including my own) had been penetrated at its depths by his entering into the plight of each person in that oncology ward today. He reminded me that he came to seek and save those who were lost; those were indeed, sick, and needed a Great Physician; he reminded me that he was looking out at all of these sick people around me, and the broken heart I had for them, was really his broken heart for them at work in me. He reminded me today, as the enormity and reality of death was all around me today; that he has taken away the sting of death, and that he came to meet us right at this very point, the point of no return. He reminded me that that point was not only returned, but even better it was put to death (the death of death), and the resurrection happened. He reminded me that he is hope …